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Name: Darren Ullmann
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Castle Rock, Washington
Occupation: Owner at Wild Birds Unlimited Vancouver Washington
Tell us a bit about yourself and your project Battle Birders:
I’ll try to keep this brief, but it’s a bit complicated. I spent 25 years in uniform—five years in the U.S. Army, including combat in the Gulf War, followed by 20 years with my local Sheriff’s Office. I retired in 2021 as the Undersheriff. Over those years, I witnessed the full spectrum of human suffering—trauma, grief, abuse, neglect, and death. In law enforcement, you experience people’s worst days over and over again, and that kind of exposure takes a toll. You build defense mechanisms—hypervigilance, bravado, even unhealthy coping mechanisms—that can be hard to break.
In April 2019, while I was Undersheriff, one of our young deputies was murdered in an ambush. He was like a son to me—he’d grown up with my own kids, and I had recruited him to our agency. His death shattered me, our department, and our entire community. (Here’s a video of me speaking at his memorial.) After that, nothing was ever the same.
Not long after, and knowing my situation, I was asked by the Executive Director of the Behind the Badge Foundation to participate in some training where I would speak to law enforcement leaders across Washington State. I shared how the loss devastated me, how I failed to process it properly, and how it impacted my agency. I also talked about lessons learned and how they could prepare for such a tragedy. While my presentations were well received, they took a serious toll on me. I had to relive that trauma over and over, and instead of helping me heal, it broke me down.
One of the takeaways from that experience was understanding just how deeply ingrained the "tough guy" culture is in law enforcement and the military. These men and women endure PTSD, depression, and anxiety in silence because admitting struggle feels like weakness. They feel they have to be strong, vigilant, and unshakable at all times.
That’s where Battle Birders comes in. My goal is to create a space where first responders and military personnel can find healing and joy through birdwatching—a place where they can drop their guard, be in the moment, and rediscover a sense of peace and camaraderie. It’s about breaking through that hardened exterior and offering something that genuinely helps.
I could go on, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
What interested you in participating in this project?
First off, I admire what you’ve done and the courage it takes to share your story. There’s so much power and healing in that.
I see this as an opportunity to reach a wider audience and show first responders and military personnel that no matter how tough you are, it’s okay to be broken. It’s okay to admit it, to talk about it, and to know you’re not alone. My hope is that by sharing my story, others will feel encouraged to ask for help and explore the healing power of nature. Birdwatching and bird feeding have brought me a sense of peace, and I want others to experience that same joy and connection to something bigger than themselves.
Do you mind sharing your mental health diagnoses or conditions?
I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression, but those mental health conditions are just part of a bigger picture. On top of that, I also live with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL), chronic pain from four back surgeries (including two spinal fusions), and pain from a knee replacement—which just adds another layer to the chronic pain. I also deal with osteoarthritis, which was the reason for the knee replacement, and I’ve had three patches of Squamous Cell Carcinoma surgically removed from my face and neck.
All of these physical conditions—especially the chronic pain and cancer diagnosis—add to the mental burdens of PTSD, anxiety, and depression in ways that aren’t always immediately obvious. When you’re in constant physical pain, it can feel like your body is under siege, and that stress doesn’t just stay physical. It seeps into your mind, amplifying feelings of helplessness, frustration, and isolation. It can make it harder to escape the weight of mental health struggles because your body feels like it’s always in fight-or-flight mode.
The PTSD makes everything more intense. It’s like a constant reminder of trauma, both past and present. The emotional and mental toll it takes can be overwhelming, and when physical health issues are added to the mix, it can feel like you’re fighting battles on all fronts.
Then there’s anxiety—it’s always there, simmering just below the surface. Anxiety about my health, about the future, about the uncertainty of what might come next. That kind of constant worry can make everything feel more amplified. It takes a lot of energy to try to manage those thoughts, and when your body isn’t cooperating, it feels like an endless cycle of exhaustion.
Depression is the final layer. It’s not just about feeling sad—it’s about losing your ability to find joy in things you once enjoyed, and sometimes even the will to try to keep pushing forward. The pain, the mental fog, and the emotional heaviness all contribute to a state of overwhelm that feels hard to escape.
Altogether, these conditions create a complex web that can feel impossible to untangle. And while I joke about being a “shitshow,” there’s a lot of truth in that—it’s difficult to keep up with the demands of mental and physical health, especially when they’re intertwined. But in acknowledging all of this, I’m also learning how important it is to find small moments of healing, like birding, that can help ease the burden of it all, even if just for a little while.
What factors contributed to you developing mental health conditions or illnesses?
When I retired from the Sheriff’s Office at 54, I was mentally broken after 25 years of dealing with human misery. I knew I was struggling, but I didn’t realize just how bad it was. On the surface, I had reached the pinnacle of my career—I was in command, making more money than ever, and by all accounts, things should have been great. But every day was a battle.
After retiring, I went to the VA for medical insurance—I had just lost mine and simply needed to refill my prescriptions. But during that process, the doctors quickly recognized the signs of PTSD. Before I even got my meds, I was sitting in a psychiatrist’s office planning out therapy. For the next year and a half, I didn’t work. I focused on therapy while continuing to volunteer with the Behind the Badge Foundation. I wanted the therapy to “fix” me, but while it helped me understand my condition, it didn’t make it go away.
Then, in January 2023, I was recruited to serve as the Executive Director of the Humane Society of Cowlitz County. I thought going back to work—especially for a cause I cared about—would help me move forward. Boy, was I wrong. Running an animal shelter turned out to be incredibly stressful, and after a year, I dreaded going to work.
At the same time, I was dealing with a knee injury from a photography outing. When they scheduled me for surgery, a routine blood draw two weeks prior revealed something I never expected—Leukemia. Suddenly, I was not only recovering from knee replacement surgery but also facing a new CLL diagnosis. It was too much. I knew something had to give, so I spent the next year brokering a merger between my Humane Society and a larger organization to ensure a smooth transition before I stepped away.
Through all of this, my coping mechanism was birdwatching—I just didn’t realize it at the time. More on that in a bit.
When did you become interested in birds and birding?
My love for birds started in childhood. My father was passionate about birds and raised canaries at his home in San Diego. He built a beautiful aviary in the back yard, and I would spend hours watching them and listening to their songs. That experience instilled a deep appreciation for birds and wildlife in me.
After leaving the military, I pursued my dream of becoming a Wildlife Biologist, studying in college while working seasonal jobs. In the winters, I manned a goose hunter check station for the Department of Fish and Wildlife, and in the summers, I worked as a Northern Spotted Owl surveyor for the Department of Natural Resources. This is when I began my photography hobby. I loved the work, but job opportunities for biologists were scarce at the time, and with a young family and a mortgage, I had to make a tough choice—I left school to take a steady job.
Even with my background, I never saw myself as a birder. Or maybe I just wouldn’t admit it. In the tough-guy culture I was part of, birding didn’t seem “cool” or “strong” enough. That mindset stuck with me for years.
Then, while working for the Humane Society, I found myself spending more and more of my
free time at Ridgefield Wildlife Refuge (amongst other locations), photographing birds. It became my escape. One morning, as I was driving to work, the stress hit me like a wall. Instead of taking the exit to my office, I just kept driving. I called in and said I wouldn’t be coming in that day. Instead, I went straight to the refuge and spent hours chasing birds with my camera.
Something clicked that day. My mind cleared completely. The overwhelming stress was gone, replaced by a sense of peace. I called my wife to tell her about the moment because I realized then—birdwatching wasn’t just a hobby. It was therapy. The simple act of walking through the woods, focusing only on what I was hearing, seeing, smelling, and feeling, was healing me in ways I hadn’t expected.
As my time at the Humane Society was coming to an end, I knew I wanted to do something different—something I truly loved. That’s when I discovered Wild Birds Unlimited and fell in love with the concept. As I got deeper into the bird feeding and birdwatching world, I was introduced to Holly Merker and the Mindful Birding Network, and everything came full circle. I realized that all this time, birdwatching had been my therapy. I wanted to share that discovery with others—especially those in the first responder and military communities—so I started Battle Birders to help others find the same healing that I had.
How has birding helped you in processing or healing your mental health?
The moment I step into the woods, I take everything in—the sounds, the smells, the subtle movements around me. It’s an instant reset, a way to clear my mind that traditional therapy never quite could. PTSD therapy helped me understand my condition and how to cope, but it never felt like true healing. Birding, on the other hand, is healing.
There’s no pressure, no expectations—just me and nature. I listen to the bird songs, trying to identify each call, and my focus shifts. Before I even realize it, my heart rate slows, and the weight I’ve been carrying feels a little lighter. When I spot a bird moving through the trees, there’s a rush of excitement—like discovering hidden treasure. If it’s a species I haven’t seen before that feeling is even stronger.
In those moments, everything else fades away. It’s just me and the bird, alone in a peaceful world. And for that time, however brief, the stress, the trauma, and the noise of life disappear.
How has birding helped you in your daily life? Long-term?
Birding gives me a positive focus that is both therapeutic and enlightening. It wasn’t something I sought out for healing—it found me. Only after experiencing its effects did I start researching the science behind it, wanting to understand why it was so powerful. That was my aha moment.
Realizing the connection between birding and mental well-being changed everything for me. It gave me a new way to navigate daily life, shifting my perspective and helping me find peace in the present moment. It’s not just a hobby—it’s a way of life that keeps me grounded, mindful, and truly connected to the world around me.
Are you involved in your local birding community? Has that helped or hindered you in any way?
Right now, I’m not deeply involved in the local birding community since I’m focused on building my Wild Birds Unlimited store and launching Battle Birders at the same time. But my goal is to make the store a resource and gathering place—not just for Battle Birders, but for other birdwatching groups in the future.
I’ve already connected with the Behind the Badge Foundation and plan to reach out to the VA soon.
My mission is to share my story with first responders and veterans, growing Battle Birders into a meaningful and impactful community. I want it to be more than just a group—I want it to be a place where people can heal, connect, and rediscover joy through birding.
What do you think some of the barriers are to people finding birding an accessible tool to use for improving their mental health?
One of the biggest barriers to people seeing birding as a tool for mental health is stereotyping. When most people think of birdwatching, they picture retirees in floppy hats, quietly scanning the trees with binoculars. That image doesn’t resonate with a lot of folks—especially those from tough, high-stress backgrounds like first responders and military personnel. Breaking through that stereotype is the first step.
The second step is representation and storytelling. People need to hear from others who have walked similar paths—people who have experienced trauma, stress, or burnout and found real healing through birding. Personal stories create connections. When someone hears an experience that mirrors their own struggles, it makes birding feel more relatable and accessible. It allows them to lower their guard and consider something they might have otherwise dismissed.
Another barrier is the misconception that birding requires deep knowledge or expensive gear. Many people assume you need to be an expert in bird identification or have high-end equipment to get started, which isn’t true at all. Birding can be as simple as stepping outside, listening to the sounds around you, and just being present in the moment. That’s where the real healing begins—not in the details, but in the experience itself.
Finally, accessibility and outreach play a role. People struggling with mental health often don’t know where to start or don’t have someone to guide them into a new activity like birdwatching. That’s why groups like Battle Birders are so important. They provide a welcoming entry point for people who might never consider birding on their own. By creating spaces where first responders, veterans, and others can explore birding without judgment, we can help more people discover its incredible benefits.
What is your favourite way to bird or go birding?
My favorite way to go birding is with my camera in hand, slowly wandering through different landscapes and immersing myself in the experience. Living in SW Washington, I’m lucky to have access to a diverse range of environments—mountains, lakes, rivers, the ocean, and even desert. Each setting offers something unique, and I love switching it up to keep things fresh.
But the most important part for me is taking my time. Birding isn’t about rushing or checking birds off a list—it’s about being present, observing, and letting nature unfold around me. Whether I’m deep in the forest or standing by the water’s edge, there’s nothing quite like that moment when I spot a bird and feel completely in sync with my surroundings.
Do you believe there is something specific birds have to teach us?
Absolutely—birds are powerful teachers of resilience. When you take the time to watch them closely, you realize just how incredible their ability to adapt and endure truly is. They face constant challenges—harsh weather, habitat destruction, predators, competition for food—and yet, they persist. They don’t dwell on setbacks; they adjust, rebuild, and keep moving forward.
Take a tiny songbird battling through a brutal winter or a raptor soaring through turbulent winds—each moment in their lives is a testament to perseverance. Hummingbirds migrate thousands of miles despite their delicate size. Shorebirds navigate storms and unpredictable tides. Owls hunt in the dead of night, relying on instinct and patience. Birds don’t give up—they adapt, endure, and thrive.
For those of us dealing with trauma, stress, or mental health struggles, birds offer a quiet but profound lesson: keep going. Life will throw obstacles in our way, but like birds, we can find ways to navigate them. We can learn to be present, to focus on what we can control, and to keep moving forward, no matter how hard the journey gets.
Beyond resilience, birds also teach us about living in the moment. They don’t worry about the past or the future—they simply exist, responding to the world as it comes. That kind of mindfulness is something we can all strive for. Watching birds reminds us to pause, breathe, and take in the world around us, finding peace in the present just as they do.
Is there a birding story that makes you instantly smile?
One of the stories that always makes me smile is from a day when I was just enjoying the view from my patio, watching the variety of birds that trust me to feed them. My backyard is full of bird feeders, and I love sitting there, taking in the calm and peaceful scene.
But this one day, things took an unexpected turn. I was standing by my window, observing the usual hustle and bustle of the birds, when suddenly—BAM—a Sharp-Shinned Hawk exploded into the scene! In a flash, she dove right into the flock of smaller birds, scattering them in all directions. I could hardly believe what I was seeing, but she didn’t just take off; she landed on one of the wires holding up the lights around my patio, a mere four feet away from me.
I was frozen in shock, as were the birds, who had scattered for cover. There I was, standing in awe of this powerful predator, trying to keep my movements as still as possible so I didn’t disturb her. I desperately reached for my camera, hoping to capture the moment, but the hawk wasn’t having it. She locked eyes with me, and in the blink of an eye, she flew off, leaving me stunned and in complete awe.
I had never been that close to a Sharp-Shinned Hawk before, and the raw beauty and strength of that bird, combined with the unexpectedness of it all, made the experience unforgettable. It was a moment of wildness that left me smiling for days, grateful for the raw and untamed beauty of nature.
What bird song immediately lifts you up and why?
The song of the Red-Winged Blackbird is one that immediately lifts my spirits. There's something about the way their sharp, clear call echoes across an estuary or pond that brings an incredible sense of peace. When I hear them, I know that the area is safe—there are no predators nearby, and the birds are simply communicating with each other, going about their natural rhythms. In those moments, it feels like everything is right in the world.
It’s not just the song itself, but what it represents: the absence of threat, the return of calm, and the beauty of nature unfolding around me. When those blackbirds sing, it's like a reminder that, despite all the chaos and unpredictability of life, there are still moments where peace and harmony prevail. It’s a signal that life is carrying on as it should—order in the wild, and a brief respite from the noise of the world.
That simple sound has a way of connecting me to something larger than myself, a reminder of the resilience of nature, and it gives me a sense of balance. When everything else might feel overwhelming, hearing those birds is like a little reset button. It’s one of those sounds that cuts through the stress and chaos, letting you know that, at least in that moment, everything is as it should be.
What recommendations would you give to someone getting started using birding for their mental wellness?
I understand that birding isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. What I always tell people is that birding isn’t really about the birds—it’s about being present in the moment. It’s about stepping outside and enjoying the fresh air, the quiet, and the peace that nature offers. The real magic happens when you let go of the distractions of the outside world, even just for a few moments. It’s a chance to let your mind unwind, to heal, and to reconnect with the beauty around you.
And while you’re doing that, the birds naturally stand out. Their colors, their songs, their movements—they’ll catch your attention, often in ways you didn’t expect. But the true benefit is in what birding gives you beyond the birds themselves: a sense of calm, mindfulness, and grounding.
If you're getting started, I’d recommend leaving behind any stereotypes you might have about birders. You don’t need to be an expert or have fancy gear. Just go outside, take a deep breath, and let yourself experience nature as it is. Don’t worry about identifying every bird or getting the perfect shot. Focus on the peace and the moment. The rest will follow.
If you could give one message to mental health care providers about birding and why they should recommend it to clients what would it be?
If I could give one message to mental health care providers about birding, it would be: listen to our stories and take a look at the growing body of research that shows the benefits of birding. While birding may not be a one-size-fits-all solution for every mental health challenge, it is a healthy, effective tool for redirecting energy in a positive direction—especially for individuals who may not feel comfortable in traditional therapy settings or aren’t ready to talk about their struggles.
Birding offers a way to engage with the world around you, providing an opportunity for mindfulness, reflection, and healing without the pressure of formal therapy. For those who are resistant to conventional treatments, or who simply need a break from the intensity of their emotions, birding can be a powerful alternative. It helps people slow down, reconnect with nature, and find peace in the present moment.
I’d also encourage mental health providers to empower their clients to step outside their comfort zones and try something new. Birding invites adventure, curiosity, and independence. It offers clients a chance to be active, engage with nature, and experience the healing power of the outdoors.
And for those working with veterans or first responders—consider pointing them toward Battle Birders. It’s a community built on healing through birding, specifically designed to support those who’ve faced trauma and adversity. It’s a place where people can connect with others who understand their experiences, all while finding peace through nature.
If you could convey one message to the birds, what would it be?
Thank you and keep doing what you’re doing.
Thank you Darren for sharing your love of birding with us. Anyone interested in hearing more about Darren's project, Battle Birders, please reach out to him on social media under Battle Birders.
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